Jen explores her inner hoodlum


I guess it's time for me to admit that I've become somewhat of a bad girl. Yes, that's right people, by daytime, I am a law-abiding, goody-two-shoes meter maid, but by night (and sometimes afternoon, depending on my work schedule), I become another person altogether. This is a person who thinks nothing of stealing cars or beating up people for cash, and has recently been doing jobs for the mafia, such as blowing up rivals gangs' headquarters and dumping dead bodies.

Shocked? You shouldn't be. When I describe all these things, I dont mean I'm doing them in real life, it just means I have become the proud owner of a Playstation 2 and the game Grand Theft Auto 3. OOOOOOOOH YEAH! I think I'm more addicted to the Playstation than I was to my Nintendo in the 6th grade (I even had Nintendo thumb, which is like having a really deep, really bad blister on your thumbs.) I have managed to get 11% of the way through GTA3 without much help from my friend Jon, who totally kicked my butt when we played GTA: Vice City earlier this month (see previous posts).

But anyway, I need to get some rest. Tigger's bugging me to let him back into the garage by looking at me with his big green eyes. I'm a total sucker for my cats, even if Tigger is Satan in a fur coat. Goodnight!

A small interview with my cat...


Spunky, my skinny, gray, 8 year old cat has joined me in the computer room of my house after just annihilating a massively big rat and bringing it to me (thankfully he left it on the back porch step. Unfortunately, I stepped on it, but I was wearing slippers). So, because I lack fun stuff in my journal (who wants to hear me complain about my life anymore?) I decided to interview him. Here's what Spunky had to say:

Jen: So, Spunky, what brings you to join us tonight?

Spunky: I was cold, and you're still awake. Plus, that fluffy cat (Jen's note: Tigger is the fluffy cat who I adopted in November and who doesn't get along with any of our other pets.) is in the garage.

J: So, tell us a little about your life. Influences? Hopes? Dreams?

S: I was born in 1995 and I came to live with you as a kitten with my brother, Kahana. In fact, I tried to run away, but you dragged me out from under a fence as I escaped. But, I'm glad I stayed now because you feed me. As for influences, how can I not list Garfield and Heathcliff as my ultimate heroes? They made being a cat cool. I also find inspiration from the works of Shakespeare. Actually, I'm kidding. I can't read at all. One day I hope to settle down with a nice female cat and have litters of kittens of my own, but, oh wait, I can't do that because YOU HAD ME NEUTERED YOU SICK BASTARD!

J: Whoa, serious issues. Moving on...So you killed a rat today. How many animals does this make that you have killed?

S: Three rats, two mice and a bird. And that bluebird egg I ate two years ago. (Sidenote: those bluebirds come back every year and dive bomb Spunky. It's really bizarre). By the way Jennifer, all those animals are presents to you for being a good Mom.

J: Well....I appreciate that Spunky, but couldn't you bring me sodas from the fridge? I'd like that a whole lot more. Or maybe you could learn to scramble eggs. That would be super helpful to me.

S: I can't do that. I don't have thumbs, remember? Plus, I don't know what a spatula is.

J: Oh yeah...Hmmm. Well, thank you for joining me on my Blog this evening Spunky. I look forward to interviewing you again.

S: Thanks for having me. You know where to reach me. I sleep in the kitchen window.

Why am I full of crap? Let me count the ways...
I am full of crap because...

*I turn nice people down for dates on VALENTINES DAY because I am bitter and resentful

*I take prescription drogas (ooh spanish!) that don't entirely work to control my problems, and make my lips numb (yes, really) and make me kind of dizzy

*I sat and watched "Bridget Jones' Diary" with my best friend/ex-boyfriend Jon and probably infected myself with his flu virus

*I amuse myself by giving condescending looks at people who are parked in the crosshatched section of the handicapped spaces at work.

*I enjoy running over people in Grand Theft Auto, even though I work for the Police Department in real life.


And the number one reason I'm full of crap?.......

Just because I'm hopeless. *Sigh*

Fun and Games

Okay, not a whole lot to write about tonight, but I do have a nifty little flash game for you all to play. It's called Fly the Copter and can be found at http://www.seethru.co.uk/zine/south_coast/helicopter_game.htm. I had a lot of fun playing it, and it's actually become really addicting.

Growing Up and Moving On

When I was 14, I was a freshman in High School. John certainly wasn't my first boyfriend, and he hasn't been my last, but I can say with all honesty that he takes a special place in my heart and helped me to become the person I am today. We dated for a while, and when he moved to L.A., we broke up, but remained good friends. He went through problems with drugs, I was diagnosed with depression. Even through our own problems, we remained friends. Eventually, he went into the Army, but we still wrote to each other until recently. John started dating a girl in Germany, and is still dating her to this day (good for them!), and so letters to me were put on the back burner. It's okay, I understand.

The reason I'm writing about John is because he's still in the Army, and will most likely be heading to Iraq in the near future. Now, I'm already not a huge fan of war, but the wish that we wouldn't go to war takes on a totally new significance when someone I know is going to be involved. Recently, I got a few emails from John, telling me that he was heading back to Germany in about two months, and then most likely off to Iraq. He didn't come out and say it, but I'm guessing he and his girlfriend will be getting married before he leaves Germany. War has a funny way of speeding up normal relationships and other occurences, such as growing up. I dont think the prospect of an ex-boyfriend possibly getting married bothers me, what bothers me is the change I have just realized I'm going through after reading my friend's last email. I'm growing up. This frightens me. My friend Pat and I were talking tonight, and we realized we'd been out of high school for FOUR YEARS already. Where did the four years go? Why do I feel like I've gone from being 16 to 21 overnight? Maybe because I have. I think I've been clinging to the hope that I would forever stay a young, happy teenager.

But, I have to learn to realize that nothing ever stays the same. The hopes and dreams I had when I was younger have turned out to either not be true, or not attainable. Perfect people don't exist, they never have. Fairy tale romances don't happen, even if Hollywood says they do. The idealistic person I was has been replaced by an older, wiser version of that. And while I know thingsaren't all idealistic, I still hoped that maybe if I clung to it, I'd never have to truly become the bitter, resentful person I suspect myself of turning into. I dont know if what I feel is actually resentment and bitterness towards the world, maybe it's just knowledge overcoming the no-so-smart parts of me. Whatever it is, finding out that my first love has grown up and is now an adult is frightening. It means that I've grown up, and that I can no longer cling to my high school years as being the present. It means I have to close the chapter of my life when I came the closest to a fairy tale love that I will probably ever get, and while I'd never think of dating John again, changing your life is difficult.

But, who ever said life was easy?

First post in a while...


I have a pretty bad headache tonight. I'm not sure why, but aspirin (or whatever the alternative that I have in the medicine chest is) isn't curing it. Eating, which usually works because I have extremely weird eating schedules, didn't help either. I'm also a little nauseous, but I should live. Anyway, I should explain why I havent written in a while. It's mostly because I've had a writer's block in the past few weeks, and I really didn't have anything to write about. I've also been more or less working on an article for Furlish.com, a site which I'm still not clear about what it's for. It's a comedy/forum website, and seeing as of past, I've had no shortness of wacky ideas to write about, I decided that maybe focusing my creativity would help me to be less manic.

The other reason I decided to post tonight was to talk a little about Andrew, a guy I've gone on a few dates with in the past two weeks. It seems that everytime I meet someone, I tend to rush into a relationship and only screw stuff up, or get into a relationship with an absolute toad with no promise of becoming a Prince (I thought that was a cute analogy, don't you?) I fear relationships, I really do. For a 21-year-old, I'm really burned on dating and basic relationships. So, I'm very wary. However, I have had a lot of fun with Andrew on our dates. He's funny and nice, and best of all, I feel like he doesn't expect anything from me. I know he has a crush on me, and I find that really nice. But, what I mean is that he doesn't expect sex or anything else from me. I feel comfortable knowing that I dont have to push myself to fit a mold to keep his attention. He likes me for me, and I really appreciate that. Actually, it kind of makes me cry (in a good way!) because I can take as long as I want to get to know him without fearing that I could potentially miss out. I don't feel like I'm moving faster than I want to because he respects my boundaries and I feel that he is completely honest with me. And hey, if it doesn't work out, at least I've got a cool friend I'd have no problem hanging out with. But, I'm not going to limit myself to anything. I'm not going to push myself anymore because I'm lonely, or hold off because I'm scared.